My crazy life

New year...new everything 2011

2011-08-01T16:00:00.000-07:00

as you can see from the dates on my post I have not written in a very long time. I have to admit partly because I forgot my user name and password...lol but also because life has its ups and downs and I guess I was just too busy to stop and write....well here I am...unemployed, new man in my life...someone whom I went to school with...we met on facebook. His name is Ralph. He lived in Utah and I am still in PA. We started really talking alot and found we had alot in common..we finally met and a couple months later I flew to Utah and a week later we jumped in his 1973 Ford truck and drove back to PA. had a BUNCH of times we had to stop because of the truck was not running well and the tires were about to blow but all in all is...we made it safely.... Ralph got a job shortly after moving here which was a good thing.... BUT I am still unemployed and struggling to make ends meet. Thats all I am going to say about that.

A few weeks ago we went to NC to visit my sister and my daughter and the beach... we had a good time, but it wasn't long enough. I want to live there right by them and the beach! BUT Ralph wants to live in the mountains od NC...I DON'T! yuck..why move then. anyway my kids are doing ok...Dana had a second DWI and they said she had a hit and run and a few other violations. VERY SAD NEWS. we were trying to get her to stop drinking but she would not listen to anyone. I knew something bad was going to happen and it did. So yesterday she finally signed herself into rehab. I am unable to talk to her while she is there. If I had the money I would go visit her, but I don't even have money to buy coffee or shampoo as of today. I can only pray that she learns alot about why she feels the need to drink and hopefully she won't blame it all on me. Ya know know what is kid is thinking about your parenting skills. I can admit I was not always the best mother in the world but I did my best with what I had to work with. So..my son is doing much better. he finally has his own little apartment in GA and he has a full time job. :-D

that makes me SO HAPPY! Jamie is going into her senior year of high school then plans to move to GA to go to SCAD...lets just see if she goes. I don't want her to leave me! She just started dating a really nice boy. he's a couple years older and at first that upset me, but hes got a good head on his shoulders and he treats her well...so for that I give my blessings.

As I mentioned before my sister now lives in NC which makes me very sad. I miss having her close. Seems like nothing will ever be the same now. Mom doesn't want to get together for holidays because Teresa is not here. Doesn't seem right but whatever.

well thats about all for today...I will share a few photos. :-)

July 2010

2010-07-21T10:00:00.000-07:00

Wow has time flown by since I last wrote... I FINALLY am working full time. Started two days ago and I needed it so badly! We recently took a trip to NC to visit Dana & Mike and their new home and new puppy Zoey! Our trip was short but sweet. We stayed at a motel right by the ocean. Got burnt and now I am suffering because of it. My back has been itchy with a rash since we got home. Teresa had her anual 4th of july party and Al did not go with me again this year. He "claimed" he was sick but really he was mad at me for being bad with money....hhmmmm. Two days later though I had to go to his brother in laws(yes his ex-wifes brother) house, and I went. I guess we are different like that.
Jamie is doing much better behind the wheel and I guess she will be getting her license in the near future. Nothing else is new...hhmmm

no news is good news!

2010-04-20T12:09:00.000-07:00

Its been so long since I wrote, but I guess that is because there is no news to write about! Which I guess is a good thing. Other then the fact that I need a full time job! I am struggling with a part time job and no money to really enjoy life. I know they say money can't buy happiness, but hey it can make things better where you can actually afford to do something other then work and clean your house. I am seeking a full time job...anyone know of any?
Jamie is now 16 and has her permit...YIKES! Freaks me out every time she is behind the wheel.
Matthew is living in GA with his girlfriend and currently working with his dad! (Thats good news!)
Dana and Mike bought their first home in NC (Very VERY proud of them!) can't wait to go see it! If I can afford the gas to get there!!!
We have a cat now name Lilly. I got her for Jamie for Christmas.

My job at M Realty merged with Weichert Realtors acclaim, and that is why I am now part time :-(
Other then all this....nothing too new or too exciting!

2009-06-19T06:55:00.000-07:00

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain."

I love this!

2009-06-19T06:54:00.001-07:00

One Flaw In Women Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding... Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideas.. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH. Please pass this along to all your women friends and relativesto remind them just how amazing they are..

Jamie Met Miley Cyrus June 15th 2009

2009-06-16T10:24:00.000-07:00

The kids are in Georgia visiting their father and I am home with the dog! I don't get a vacation, damn I don't even get a day off. BUT One cool thing...at least for the kids.....They got to meet Miley Cyrus last night down on Tibee Island, GA. She is out there making a movie and was in the same place the kids were...here are a couple pictures. One is Miley singing..which Jamie let me hear...and the second picture is Jamie and Miley...COOL!

NEW TATTOO!!!

2009-05-19T11:02:00.001-07:00

Last Friday May 15th I got my last Tattoo..(well maybe my last) It is a tribute tat to my family that I lost to Huntingtons disease. In case you can't tell it says...CURE H.D. :-)

Mothers Day 2009

2009-05-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

This year Mother's Day was at my sister Teresa's House. It was very nice but sad at the same time. Her dog dokes is very old and you can just see time is not on his side anymore. His brother Okie left this earth a couple months ago and Dokes seems very sad without him. Here are some pictures :

SO MUCH GOING ON!

2009-05-07T09:01:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I have posted a blog....So much has gone on...Mike and I broke up Feb. 13th 2009. So V-Day was quite depressing. Matt ...awww matt...he never fails to suprise me with horrible things. So a month or so ago I am sitting at work and I get a call from Matt saying he needs 1000 bucks in the next hour or he is going to JAIL! AGAIN? now what..I thought he was kidding. But he wasn't and of course I didn't have $1000 bucks so of course he went to Jail. Now I am sitting here trying to figure out WHAT HE DID THIS TIME! Of course it had to do with HOLLY and her HORRIBLE MOTHER! It turns out the loser mother told them that she had a sure way they could get a loan and not get caught. She made a fake pay stub or something saying they worked for her company that she doesn't even have. Holly got a $5000 loan and the mother took $4000 of it for a new car and gave them 1000 for the apartment and Holly was the lucky one to get the bill for the loan. Anyway, since they needed more money They tried a second time, this time saying Matt worked for the boyfriend, the mother drove them to 4 different banks trying to get a loan..THANK GOD he didn't get a loan, BUT I guess he commited fraud, and that is why he was sitting in Jail while Holly, her mother and the boyfriend are not...DAMN was I pissed off. One good thing that came out of this is that Matthew is NO longer with Holly. After I got Matt out of Jail Holly tried to tell Matt that she was pregnant...LIAR! WHORE! LOSER! She did everything in her power to hurt Matt. Anyone he was talking to she would contact and tell them horrible things that Matt supposibly said about them..She deleted his myspace and just wouldn't go away......

So Matt is still dealing with the court stuff...But because of that he got fired...we did finally settle with the accident. Not much, but I'm glad its over. Right now he is down GA visiting his Dad :-)

Jamie is growing up fast and has a boyfriend :-( He gave her a hickey and I yelled at her.

I'm still at M....and life is good! Here is Jamie with her piercings.... UGH!

2008-12-23T11:35:00.001-08:00

Just a quick MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!! and a quick up date. so last friday we got a bunch of snow and my kids and I went Sleigh riding....here is a picture of Jamie and the dog :-)

FUNNY

2008-12-08T09:02:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to write about thanksgiving...something very funny was said and I never want to forget it. We were talking about getting old, and how your lips shrink...well my sisters lips are very thin and my mothers companion shouts out she has MONKEY LIPS! Well we all burst out laughing, and I swear I almost pee'd my pants...monkey lips, huh? He said, yes Monkey lips are on the inside...hehehe ok, well whatever, I guess my sister is starting to look like our ancestors...BBahhhhaahhaha

Jamies Monroe

2008-12-08T08:58:00.000-08:00

So recently it was Jamie's 15th Birthday...and all she wanted was what she called ANGEL bites. Thats two piercings on the top lip on each side...I was so against this, I do not want her to mess up her face, BUT she broke me down and I I agreed to a monroe. I have to admit it looks cute, but THATS IT, NO MORE PiercingS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and now her lip is swollen, UGH. But it's not too bad. I might be able to get used to this, but I can already hear my mother and sister and brother's comments..."Why did you let her destroy her face"..UGH UGH UGH!

Christmas Time!!!

2008-12-08T08:55:00.000-08:00

Hi All,

So I am supposed to be all happy and excited that its Christmas time...well as you might have figured, I AM NOT!. I love Christmas, don't get me wrong. But this year I can not afford to buy my kids anything, and that UPSETS me very very much!!!. But I am still putting up a tree and I am still singing Christmas songs, and if I can I will make some Christmas cookie, IF...I can afford the ingredience.....It's gonna be a sad sad Christmas this year, but at least we are all healthy...Yeah I'll keep telling myself that!!

Latest Updates

2008-11-24T07:58:00.001-08:00

Well lets see....Matt got in a car accident, his car was basicly totalled, I came up with the money to get him a different car, and guess what? Not even a week later the transmission goes. So I am driving him back and forth to work. Matt and Holly moved back in, they were supposed to pay $100 a week rent, BUT my son has his pay going direct deposit. Little did I know his bank account was minus over 500 bucks. So as of right now I have seen NO MONEY!!! Now we are very low on food, I don't know if I am going to be able to pay my rent on time this month, and my car insurance is due too. I had to give my daughter a IOU for her birthday, (which just sucks) and my other daughters birthday is in 2 days and I do not have any money to buy her a gift. It sucks!!! I am so depressed. My cable is due, and if I do not pay that my house phone and internet will also be turned off. My cell phone is not holding a charge, and the people at work are mean and say horrible things to make me feel like crap! I wish that god would take this stress and pain away from me because I do not think I can handle it much longer. I need strength, and that I need from God. I wish for once that I could live without worry and stress, and grief from my son..........
PS. Happy Thanksgiving to all!

What's new in my crazy life???

2008-09-24T09:52:00.000-07:00

Well lets see...I put a deadbolt lock on my front door to keep my son out and what does he do??? he climbs threw the window I had open for fresh air. UGH! Not only did he do this, but he went to the bathroom and left me a present...DEAD GIVE-AWAY that it was him. But it gets better. On this day that my new deadbolt was on and locked, My son came to my work for money and he needed the TV in the house that I was going to give him. I wasted my 1/2 hour lunch break driving home to give him the TV only to realize he was already in the house!!! Then on top of that, the TV I was giving him he planned to sell to his neighbor!!! WHAT WHAT??? Unbelieveable!!!

So with that aside...Dana is up for a week which makes me HAPPY and my foot is feeling better SOOOOOO I have been doing my treadmill again for a week now..YEAH!!!

OOPS HE DID IT AGAIN

2008-09-11T16:23:00.000-07:00

I bet from the title you can guess that yes my darling son Matthew has done it AGAIN. What you say did he do???? stoled from me. My gold chain that he pawned once already on me. Yup its gone. How do I know it was him? well lets see, Matt come to my house while I was working, no one is home. Why did he come to the house???? to steal from me of course. Well I am done with this shit from him. He better return the chain or big trouble is ahead for him. I am putting a deadbolt on my door and screwing all the windows shut. If he breaks in, I am calling the police on him. I don't give a shit that he is my son. It will be his behavior that causes this. I still just can't believe that someone I gave birth to could continue to do this to me..Over and over and over again. Well again my heart just aches even more tonight. THANKS MATT...you did it again.

This is Matthew.....

2008-09-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

He doesn't look so bad, huh? and that is Holly.

RASCAL FLATTS CONCERT 8/23/08

2008-09-02T13:19:00.001-07:00

This is Taylor Swift...a little dark, but she was GREAT!

A little Tailgating :-)

Rascal Flatts!

Amazing stage show! Yeah baby!

When they first came out!!!

So this was Jamie's first concert, I think she had a good time.

My sister and and Dave took us to the concert...THANK YOU!! we had a GREAT TIME.

The seats were a TAG close but, it was still a great time.

Today

2008-08-17T17:49:00.000-07:00

Well I am sad to say that I got my haircut today... Everytime I get a haircut ITS SO SHORT!!

Everything else is quiet. I have only seen my son once since he left. He has called but I think he has forgotten his family all together. I hope he is doing well and staying off drugs. I can only pray for that. He has court next month for the stealing, so I wonder how he makes out with that.

Jamie is at my moms for a couple weeks so I am basicly alone. Just me and the dog. Oh and I cut his hair today and his hair is toooo short too..haha.

Next week is Rascal Flatt concert. I hope I survive. I can still barely walk on my foot.

QUIET

2008-08-05T18:08:00.000-07:00

Well its been really quiet at my house. I guess you can tell because I have not posted for a little while. Matthew and Holly got an apartment and he has not really been here since. I miss HIM alot, and he will ALWAYS be my sunshine. But I must admit I like the fact that there is nothing bad going on now.....

Jamie and I were playing with our hair last night...check it out...HAHAHAHHA

Sooo tonight was interesting.

2008-08-04T18:25:00.000-07:00

Matthew is gone............

2008-07-28T19:09:00.000-07:00

I guess you would expect me to be happy about that, but to be honest I am so upset about it. I just wish I could have gotten to him. Made him make better choices, but he doesn't listen to me. And now he is gone. I do not even know where he is staying. He did come back to the house today to get some clothes, and I did go out and buy a new door lock. But again, I am so upset I lost my son. I love him so much, I have loved that boy since the day I found out I was pregnant with him, and I will never stop loving him. I know he thinks I do not love him but its so untrue, it is the behavior that I do not like AT ALL. Now my biggest fear is that Matt with get deeper into drugs and I hope to god he doesnt slip so far away that I can never get him back. From this point on all I can do is PRAY to god that Matt finds his way back to me and he wakes up and realizes his family loves him, but will not tolerate his bullsh** behavior. Tonight my heart is broken much worse then ever before. I MISS him. I MISS having him here. WAKE UP MATTHEW, get away from losers and straighten your life out before its too late. I love you
Mom

I just don't think I can take anymore....

2008-07-27T16:26:00.001-07:00

So Thursday Jamie asked me if she could go to the movies with her friend and Matt and Holly. I wasn't happy about it but they swore that is really what they were going to do. Suspision started sinking in when Matt did not show for the movie time. When i asked Jamie she said they were going to the next showing. When Matt finally did get home he said he had to go to Holly's brothers house for something....Now my red flag went up!!!! I said, I hope your not lying to me and I hope your not going to get your little sister High. Of course my wiseass son had some sarcastic thing to say... I told them I would drug test Jamie when they got back, and if she came up "dirty" that she would be grounded and he and Holly would be kicked out. This was the warning BEFORE THEY LEFT!!!! They were fore warned. However they choose to get jamie high and I did what I said I was going to do. First I went to the movie place to see if they were there, and they were....So I felt good about that, but I still felt something inside saying, he bought pot from her brother and he is going to smoke with Jamie. So I went to walmart and bought a test..20 BUCKS!!! I had no money but I HAD to buy it. I had to do what I said I would do....... So they got home late and I had to go to sleep for work the following day, but I had it planned out anyway, kind of a suprise attack. I told her I had a suprise for her after work friday, and when i got home I showed it to her. I said are you going to pass it and she said yes. So when the time came to take the test I could just see it in her face that she was lying about knowing she would pass. Suddenly she was like, well I don't know....I said Jamie are you going to pass and she said "NO.." Well its not hard to put two and two together and she said she smoked with Matt and Holly. Well that was all I had to hear. I grounded her, no cell phone and no PC for 2 weeks. As for Matt I called him and said ALOT and told him that I had enough and how dare he do this and he had some smart mouth stuff to say back...but bottom line is, I said get out and stay out.
Tough love is hard to do, and hard to live with, my heart is aching inside, I want the best for my son, not what he is doing and keeps doing. I can't help him anymore, it is killing me and I am tired of him taking advantage of me. Now he is getting his sister high. A month ago he was saying he would kick the sh** out of anyone who tried to get her high, but him and her go and do it. THEY Are 18, its illegal. I AM PISSED.
I can't wait till he goes to court for the stealing in Walmart. I can't wait till he gets on Adult probation and he will get drug tested AGAIN!!! Hopefully he will straighten himself out. I just PRAY SO MUCH that he does. I want to be proud of my kids, not ashamed by everything they do. I want jamie to go back to being a Distiquished Honoroll student!!!! UGH. I also want Matt to respect me. I know tomorrow when I go to work that he will come to this house, he will more then likely destroy something or do something that he shouldn't do....I am sure he will open my mail like he keeps doing. I just have ZERO trust for him and it is making me feel sick inside knowing he will come here tomorrow when I am at work. Just like he had done the year he got sent away., I would tell him no one was allowed in the house and everyday I would go to work and he was supposed to be in school he would bring loser assholes in my house. I had to tell the probation department because they were not doing their job AT ALL. and then FINALLY he was sent away.. Little did I know that I would still PAY for that too. My CHILDSUPPORT I have to pay to the state because they sent him away...3000 bucks worth.... So no matter what I get screwed over by my son. he just keeps taking from me, keeps hurting me, keeps stealing from me, keeps betraying me, keeps dissapointing me..........and so on. As always my heart is aching, and I am alone threw it all.....

God works in mysterious ways!!!

2008-07-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

I guess it's true that god works in mysterious ways. Matt and Holly were not ready to be parents and right now they aren't going to be. She had a miscarriage. She was bleeding today and thought she was having a miscarriage, but appearently it already had happened before today. They said it was nothing to do with scar tissues or anything else, but it happened. I feel bad, but grateful because neither of them are in a place to become parents. Now maybe they need to focus on getting jobs and a place of their own and when they get all that resolved plus the fines they are facing, maybe just maybe they will become mature enough to have a baby. Right now was not the time. So I would just like to say, Thank you god!~

From pregnancy to PRISON????!!

2008-07-15T08:47:00.000-07:00

it was just 7 days ago I found out there is a baby on the way (Still hoping it's not my son's!) and then right after that they said there is a good possibility it could be TWINS...and not even a day later I get a call from the police to come get my car it is at the Walmart parking lot. (WHY???!!!) The car he was referring to was the one my son drives. The one in my name!!! So the next call I get is from Holly's mother saying they are in PRISON. For what you say??? STEALING DVD'S from WALMART!!! UGH. So now it is Sat (they did this friday night 7/11/08.) I had left friday to go to Elverson because Jamie was going to GA the following day and I needed to get her to the airport. So Matt said he would be home all weekend and would watch the dog...HA, little did I know that he and Holly would set out to be THIEVES. Sat. I not only had to go to the airport, pay an extra 100 bucks because her father didn't know she was an unacompanied minor, and then I had to run back to Easton to get the car (of course it was on E) and then get home as soon as I could to save my dog who was left alone. When I got home my dog had not done anything, he is a great dog! My house was unlocked, everything was left on. and low and behold I see all the food my son and his girlfriend had stolen obviously before going to walmart for MORE! I was sick/upset/angry/pissed off/hurt/you name it I felt it. Of course sleeping was out of the question. Anyway, he did finally call me on Monday to say bring money to bail me and holly out. The bail was 1000!!! I said I have 100. he said bring 200. HAHA. Yeah right I am not about to bail her out. So anyway, yesterday 7/14/08 I went to work for 3 hours then got down to the courthouse and proceeded to sit and wait for many hours. The process is long, and horrible. I got down there around 1pm and did not leave the prison till after 8-9pm. Of course there was more drama down there, like Hollys brother and Girlfriend who were drinking and obviously drunk.. The girlfriend had just had a miscarriage that morning so she was all messed up in the head besides drunk. She proceeded to make sure she told every cop/po/co about everything, including that she needed to go pee because she just had a miscarriage and needed to change her TAMPON. I really thought she was going to be arrested for Puplic drunkenous. Then around 7pm Matt finally got out. I wanted to take him and go BUT he wanted to wait for Holly. Her mother punched him in the chest, her brother got all up in his face. I wanted to hit him to, but he did SEEM remorseful. He said he will never do this again (I have heard this all before) He was crying, and very sad. They stoled his shoes...oh well!! he stoled them to begin with.. I guess he see's what it is like.... ..Well anyway, My son just called, he lost his job!!! They said because he didn't call. But my EX did call and LEFT A MESSAGE SO HE SAYS!!. So now Matt is calling me for money so he can go to the doctors to get a doctors note. I told him I am tapped out and he needs to borrow money from one of them and get to a doctor. I did call my doctor but of course he is away for the week on a seminar. UGH. When it rains it pours, and for my CRAZY life is it ALWAYS POURING! When is it ever gonna stop.?????

TWINS???!!!???

2008-07-11T07:07:00.000-07:00

Oh you have to be kidding me! NO WAY, Can't BE?!! OH GOD, please say it isn't so!
Ok well we really don't know yet if it's twins, but she is showing already. I guess I just have to wait till the ultrasound.

OH MY GOD ITS TRUE!!!

2008-07-06T19:04:00.000-07:00

She is pregnant. My son got his girlfriend pregnant. I'm gonna be a greandmother. OH MY GOD!!!!! I'm too young to be a grandmother and he is too young to be a father. NOW WHAT???!!!

PREGNANCY TEST IN THE TRASH...OH THATS NOT GOOD!!!

2008-07-06T16:55:00.000-07:00

Yeah so I was going threw the trash to sort recycling and came across a prego test. OH NO!!I know I SAY I want to be a grandmother but not right now to my son who is only 18!! oh god I had this dream that his girlfriend got pregnant and then ended up in jail and I had to raise the baby, this was long before seeing the test in the trash. it did show negative...but I hope its really negative. OH GOD what next??!!!!!!

What was I thinking

2008-07-03T17:09:00.000-07:00

So today when i got home from work I went onto the deck and looked over the edge. I was so friggen upset with what I saw. You see yesterday I gave my son 20 bucks to take 4 bags of trash to the dump. That would have cost 8 bucks which left him 12 bucks for himself for gas or whatever. There was another bag of plastics that i have been recycling and then some medal stuff. So today when I look over the deck edge what do i see? A bag of garbage thrown into the woods behind my house. Not even out of site. Just right down the hill. I was so upset and pissed. He said he was the only one. But today when i went to go mow the lawn (Yeah I know he should have been the one mowing the lawn and I did ask him to, but his life is more important) anyway, low and behold is yet another bag of garbage. I told him get in there and get the bags. he walked down into the woods, and came back with nothing. gave me some line of crap about how he had sandals on and if I wanted to pay his medical bills when he gets hurt. I'M TIRED OF THIS!!!! EVERYONE is telling me to kick him out, but do I listen? no I just keep taking the abuse. I wonder how many more times he will still that knife in my back before I've had enough? It's getting close. I DO NOT DESERVE THIS!~

I am so sad today! :-(

2008-07-01T08:21:00.000-07:00

Well my son just came here(MY WORK) wanting money. Even after recieving 100 dollars for his birthday in the past 2 days. I said he couldn't have any and he flipped out. Thank god no one was here except for some old lady outside. Anyway, He said "Fuck you" over and over to me. This is really killing me and I know he doesn't care. His girlfriend has been in my house now for about two weeks maybe longer. She pays no rent. Neither of them are working, but they see nothing wrong with eating my food, using my electric, using the water.. I have been good to my son. I paid his car insurance this month because he lost his job....and he just treats me like Sh**. It really hurts and it is really upsetting. No one cares, no one helps. I told him the girl needs to go and no one listens. I'm really at a lost here. Do I call the police and have them both removed? I don't want to have to go to that, but I think he is leaving me no choice. He destroyed the door to his room, first punching his fist threw the door then later kicking it right off the hindges. I rent the house and don't really have the money to keep paying for everything he damages. He really needs to go out on his own now because he is detroying the bond between us. He did it before and he was sent away for his actions. I don't trust him and I don't trust her. They lie, steal and I DO NOT deserve it. I am back to sleeping with my keys, and I keep what is important to me in my car. I do not want to live like this anymore. I need the strength to get threw this time. He starts his new job July 7th, which is 5 days from now. Its over an hour away, and I don't see how he can go back and forth. He claimed he was moving out when he turned 18. Well he's 18 and I Do have the right to kick him out. NO ONE deserves to be treated like sh** by their own child. This pain he is inflicting on me is unbareable. And he doesn't care. He abuses me verbally, he speaks to me with total disrespect. I just don't understand why he has to be so mean to the one person who has stood by him threw it all. I was there for everything, from birth to stitches, to suicide attempts to drug overdoses, to rehabs and Northwestern Academy. There were many times I didn't want to be there, where he wore me down to the ground. Where I felt like I didn't have anymore to give. Like I would die if I gave anymore of me to this person who looks at me as if I am the biggest piece of sh** on the earth. This person is my son. I gave him birth,I sang to him everynight "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away" I nurtured him when he had colic and cried for hours at a time, I taught him to use the potty chair, and to swim, and to ride a bike. I went to his nursery school plays, and cleaned up his cuts and bruises. I was there as he got his stitches in his hand at age 3.5 when I was pregnant and Daddy left us there to go back to work. Even though I almost fainted at the sight of the needles being put in the cut I stayed there by his side and told him "everything will be ok, Mommy is here". I was there the day he cut open his lip and needed stitches.I was with him when he needed surgery on a body part that only men/boys have, he was in pain but I was there with him and for him. I was there the day he got into the car accident and his head was split open, and I held his hand while they stitched his head. I was by his side when we went to the lawyer to get justice for what had happened. I was there everytime the police called to tell me my son was doing SOMETHING wrong, whether it be underage drinking, cutting school, vandalism. YOU NAME it, he did it. I was there the night his friends dropped him off and he was O'Ding from doing Coricindin and god knows what. The same night I realized he pawned my diamond ring. I sat by his side the entire time watching him with charcoal coming out his mouth in hopes it would absorb the drugs inside him so his liver would not die off. I was there the night he slashed his wrist when his girlfriend upset him and I had to leave a company Christmas party to rush to the hospital. I have paid many fines for him, and gone to court over and over and over for things he has done wrong, to others, himself and to me. I, Maria Webb, Matthews mother was there. Was anyone else? NO. But who does he abuse? who does he disrespect? who does he hurt every chance he gets? Me, Maria...His Mother. If you can only imagine the pain in my heart. It is obvious in the tears in my eyes. The ache in my heart. This is how I feel today.

Dusty's big day out on the boat! June 29th

2008-06-30T07:30:00.000-07:00

June 29th.. Matthew turns 18 YEAH!

2008-06-30T07:28:00.001-07:00

GOOD NEWS!!!

2008-06-26T09:46:00.003-07:00

My boy got a job....!!! A good job. Making more then ME :-( haha, good for him. Lets just hope he keeps it!

GOOD NEWS!!!

2008-06-26T09:46:00.001-07:00

My boy got a job....!!! A good job. Making more then ME :-( haha, good for him. Lets just hope he keeps it!

The faces of todays TEENS....

2008-06-24T09:33:00.001-07:00

CAN YOU SAY ..........DUH!!!! hahaha

The faces of todays TEENS....lol

2008-06-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

can you say....DUH!!!! haha just kidding. I found this on my cell phone.. I guess jamie was bored too

Phones

2008-06-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

I was just sitting here thinking....Why do I have a phone AT HOME and why does my daughter have a cell phone?? BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO REACH them and they NEVER ANSWER THE PHONE!!!! oh my god...please tell me...Does it ever get better? Will there be a time I don't have to sit and worry about my kids? eh, probably not!

I guess this is pay back for driving my own mother crazy when I was a kid.....( I was an angel though!) hehe

Ripping hair out of my head

2008-06-23T09:49:00.000-07:00

Hi there, this is me today ripping my hair out of my head, going crazy because of....what else.????? MY CRAZY LIFE!!!

Is it the 29th of June yet???

2008-06-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

Oh my god what next??? Yesterday when I got home my son gave me the good news that he no longer has a back window in his car (The car that is in my name) He says he hit a stop sign or something, who really knows what happened. But of course it's supposed to rain, and he thinks he can keep driving the car the way it is...IS HE ON CRACK? He doesn't think he will even get pulled over by the cops. He's really losing his mind. And I am about to start drinking heavily. I don't know how much more I can take......June 29th, June 29th..thats when he is 18 YEAH!!!!

SCHOOL IS OUT...UGH!

2008-06-19T12:15:00.000-07:00

So today is the first day of NO SCHOOL. I am praying my kids are behaving, but I have a bad feeling they aren't. I have tried to reach them at home and no one is answering the phone. My son is supposed to call his P.O. But I know he didn't. My daughter isn't answering her cell phone...WHY DO I PAY FOR HER TO HAVE ONE???? ugh, I hate when my kids are home alone. I can just imagine..... the air conditioning is on...(even though its cool outside) all the TV;s are on, all the lights are on, a sink full of dishes for the maid (ME) to clean when i get home, Bathroom full of dirty clothes, dog either dying to go out to the bathroom or already pee'd on the floor...and both kids rooms A MESS... Oh god I can't wait till September :-) (I can dream right?)

All is quiet for now

2008-06-17T13:36:00.000-07:00

As you can see I have not written in a couple days. Thats because nothing too exciting is going on. I am pretty happy to say that! My son has no job right now, so thats NOT a good thing. Because no job = no money which also = "Mom can I borrow 10 bucks" Thats pretty much all I hear these days from him. He claims he quit smoking, so we'll see.

Gee when my son isn't acting up my life is quite boring....hahah YEAH!

My youngest.....Jamie

2008-06-12T13:03:00.001-07:00

This is Jamie. She is 14. For the most part a good kid, but she is starting to grow up faster then I wish she would. She does pretty good in school or has up into the last marking period when all her grades dropped. I hope jamie is smart enough to know better. Because of all she has seen with her brother, I pray she stays away from anything that he has done......I have faith that She won't let me down......

And this is Matthew

2008-06-12T12:59:00.001-07:00

Here is my Son......He is quite funny, and fun to be around. I love him with all my heart, but what he is doing is breaking my heart. I know I have to let him go soon when he turns 18, but I wish there was a way I could protect him forever.

When he is not influenced by others he is the best kid. But he is a follower and thats going to get him into deep trouble I think. (I pray it doesn't though).

This is me...Today :-)

2008-06-12T12:56:00.000-07:00

So I just thought you might like to see what I look like. What do you think..hahah

I saw this and thought it was appropriate.

2008-06-12T12:48:00.001-07:00

Wonder how much I would get...haha

2008-06-12T12:42:00.001-07:00

My blog page should be called "Matthew"

2008-06-12T12:37:00.000-07:00

Ok, so today I find out my son lost his job... Oh Yippy. He has a car which is in my name and he is supposed to pay half the car insurance, and he owes all sorts of fines, and now he lost his job. Just great. All this is because he met HER.. (we will leave her name out of this, but it all started when he met her. Tomorrow I get to drive over an hour away to go talk to the Police because of the rock throwing that SHE DID!! UGh...I just wish there was a way to snap him out of it before he gets her pregnant...UGH NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Better news today!!

2008-06-11T13:22:00.000-07:00

So today I have something a little more possitive to post... I got a call from the Police and they told me that they have eye witness's who said my son DID NOT do anything. They want my son to contact them so that they do not have to report this to my sons P.O. in which case he will more then likely end up in prison. I DO NOT want to see my son go to prison. I PRAY he wakes up very very soon. I told him he is not to take the rap for this if he didn't do it. He has in the past covered for his last girlfriend, where he got into trouble and she got away with everything. So I would hate to see him go down for this too. UGH. I wonder when it will ever end. My stress level is sooo high right now. I have had a headache ALL DAY, and I have my period on top of everything else... Oh Lucky me.

My son

2008-06-10T12:16:00.001-07:00

Well what can I say, the reason I am writing this blog has everything to do with my son whom I might add is making my life a living Hell. He's going to be 18 in a little more then 2 weeks, and I have to say, I CAN'T WAIT!. I wish I knew why he can't seem to do right in life. He always finds trouble, and trouble is all around him. Today is a continuation from this past Saturday when He and his girlfriend took his girlfriends bestfriend and her little sister to Kohls. I got two stories so I am not sure which one is true, but the way I found out any of this was from calling the one girls mother looking for my son. When I asked if he was at her house she said NO, and he is no longer welcome here. I said, Oh great what did he do now. She proceeded to tell me that Matt and Holly took her daughter and her daughters little sister to Kohls to shoplift. UGH, my heart sunk. She said that My son and Holly took off and let the other kids get in trouble. When I finally did reach my son he told me that it was all a lie, and that the girls begged them to bring them shopping because they had 200 bucks and wanted to get the younger sister some new clothes. Whatever the true story is, I was told there is video from Kohls which shows my son in the store.
Now that brings me to today. My son was to go to a job interview out of the county (oh and he is on probation and not supposed to leave this county) anyway, I get a call from this same mother saying that my son and his girlfriend were at her house this morning throwing rocks at the windows of her house and threatening her daughter. She told me she had to call the police. I said do what you have to do. Anyway, I finally get a hold of my son and guess what???? His story is, "Thats a bunch of lies, I was never at that house, she made it all up" So then I get a call from the police who say the neighbors saw them doing it. So now it's just about 3:30pm, I'm sitting at work wishing I was not here, I don't know where my son is, I don't have any way to get in touch with him. he is in the car that is in MY NAME, and I pray he isn't doing anything bad. I am so upset, I just don't know what to do anymore. This story is long and goes back almost two or more years. But my son had just recently gotten out of a place called Northwestern Academy. He was sent there by the court for being bad. He was locked up there for 8 months, and I swear to you I really thought he had changed. I prayed he had changed. I did everything I could to show him how much I loved him and how I would support him in any possitive way if he choose to do good. He wanted to go to UTI this year to learn about working on cars, and of course I did everything I could to make this possible for him, I did all the paperwork for him filled out all the forms for Fasfa and did whatever it took to get him enrolled because this was something positive and something he loves so much. Anyway, looks like his behavior has changed for the worse and he will not be going to UTI anyway, now he doesn't want to go. Its all because of Holly. I am so angry and sad and disappointed in my son. My heart is aching so badly...and I just don't know what to do. Why do kids do these things?????